I’m a Leo with Taurus and Cancer influences. It’s like being in a tug of war with your own nature. My Leo is sunny adventurous and on fire; she loves being sexy and looking pretty; and she loves to strut her stuff. She’s loves newness and change, hates routine and needs to be seen and beloved. Then there’s my Taurus nature, which is loyal and creative, independent and sensual, and a little bit stubborn at times. And that pesky, crabby Cancer whose intuition and sensitivity are both a blessing and a curse; she loves security and home and resists change. Yikes, it’s no wonder I get so exhausted. I’m trying to balance a wild and crazy jungle queen with a stubborn bull and a moody crab who likes to hide out sometimes.
Enter my life right now. Today my husband is packing for a trip to the Midwest to train for his exciting new job. He will be gone for 5 days and 6 nights (but who’s counting). In the 25 years we’ve been married we’ve rarely spent a night away from each other. We know many couples whose lives include long and short business trips, workshops or other travel away from each other. They are accustomed to it and it’s a natural part of their lives. This is so not “Us”. While we’ve been celebrating this wonderful new opportunity for his career and our future, we’ve been dreading the moment when we arrive at the airport and he and I are parted for what seems like eternity. I’ve noticed the crazy back and forth of emotions as the three major aspects of my aforementioned astrological natures battle it out making me feel like I’m playing schizophrenic ping-pong. And it’s all because of the dreaded and inevitable change that is intrinsic in the deal we all made when we decided to enter the earth experience.
Leo loves it! She’s doing a happy dance, dressed in a flashy red dress, in sexy strappy elevator heels, her long black tresses flinging wildly about. Ah she’s in her element. Boy does she ever love to live on the edge wondering what’s going to happen next. Change? Bring it on!
Taurus is working out how to manage the week on her own, somewhat excited ready to welcome the challenge. She enjoys being on her own and handling her business. She’s busy thinking about how to support her man, make sure he’s packed correctly and has everything he needs, cheering him on for the new adventure.
Ms. Cancer isn’t doing so well. She’s worried, wringing her hands, feeling insecure and uneasy. It’s going to rain. What if his flight is delayed? Will he be safe? Will I be safe? What’s the new job going to be like? Will it go well? So many questions about how this new job will impact our life. And what if we have to move again? Lions and tigers and bears, Oh My!
The expression “Shit Happens” comes to mind about now, only I’ve changed it to “Change Happens” because in reality it does. In my life change is exciting and thrilling. It’s also scary and unsettling. I think many people feel the same way, mostly because we’ve all experienced the variety of extremes that can and often accompany it. In my experience change has shown up in so many ways, sometimes delighting me and sometimes breaking my heart. From giving birth to my daughter to divorce; from learning to stand on my own two feet and celebrating my independence to re-uniting with my Twin Flame and marrying him. From new love to breakups – feeling safe and secure to walking a tightrope of fear and indecision. From knowing my parents are home and safe, to witnessing their decline and ultimately losing them both. And on and on it goes – new job, leaving jobs; daughter married; grandchild; graduations; happy days; fun days; sad days. Change! It’s inevitable and it’s part of the cosmic deal.
Some of us are like my Leo self, embracing it with zeal and hospitality, and a hearty, “Come on in”! Some of us are wary and stepping gingerly trying to navigate it with some level of skill like my Taurus. And, of course there’s the inevitable Cancer self with the obligatory worry and fear of the unknown and the desire for things to stay the same, please. I’m thinking for most of us it’s a beautiful concoction of all of the above with some other spices and aromas thrown in for good measure. Yes, it makes us uncomfortable to shake up the status quo. But how much status quo can we stand before stagnation sets in? The Universe has a wonderful way of knowing when that’s happening and, lo and behold, here it comes…change!!! The Leo in me says, “bring it” (while Taurus plans and Cancer worries).
One of my favorite poems from the beloved Sufi mystic Jalaluddin Rumi is entitled, “The Guest House”. It speaks of welcoming all aspects of change:
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
We are about to close the suitcases and prepare for a good night’s rest so my intrepid traveler husband and I can begin yet another new adventure. I know in my deepest knowing, where Truth is alive within me, that all is well and I open my arms to the new, even with my all too human trepidation and my Leo-Taurus-Cancer selves in tow. Ultimately the cosmic deal is all that counts. I welcome it, I honor it, and I say So It Is.
Franne Demetrician 1.9.16