The Lights Are On & Someone’s Home ~ 8-25-17

photo by Franne Demetrician

Feeling the refreshing cool hint of fall in the air this morning and it feels good. Planning to hold summer as close as possible but ready to welcome the sensual pleasures of autumn.

I spent some time in the last few days talking about and reflecting on authenticity. I had written a post for this week that somehow didn’t work for me and even after asking for some valued input from trusted confidants, I didn’t feel good about posting it. So, it sat in my file for the last few days waiting for me to “post or get off the pot”. I decided to get off the pot and start over. Here is why.

The intention of this website is to be a place of safety and respite for anyone who chooses to stop by and read my blog. My hope is that what I share here is helpful to my readers; that together we come to feel and know that none of us are alone in our human experience. My previous post was more of a “cranky pants” rant than the fulfillment of my intention. I’m considering that post a private journal entry that just needed to be written, and leave it at that.

I had the good fortune of receiving a tremendously healing session from my friend and colleague, Michele Granberg. She is a gifted shaman and healer. I was holding the question about my cranky blog post in my heart when I arrived. My intention for the session was quite simply to find my center, to affirm integrity and authenticity, and to remember my connection to Oneness. As always, the session was amazing, but this one seemed to have an even deeper and higher quality to it and soon I was in an altered state hovering just outside of my body in total bliss. I’ve had some inspired moments during sessions with Michele, and this one was restorative and refreshing, which is exactly what was needed.

Toward the end of the session Michele began to whisper some affirmations to me, and as she did I started to see faces – faces of people in my life who love me. It started with my Dad’s face and I felt his energy as if he were standing right next to Michele at the side of the table. I felt the tears and said a silent “Hi” to Dad, but then I saw more faces – faces of people in my life who I love and who love me – and felt more energy and was immediately surrounded by what can only be identified as unconditional love from every one of them. It was sudden and filled me completely. I almost felt myself lifted off the table by the rush of energy I felt from the light of all their love. Then she said something like, “feel yourself so connected that the face of God is but a hair’s breadth away”. That was profound, and what I saw was me “cheek to cheek” with the face of God. It wasn’t so much a visual image, but it was what I experienced. Me and God – cheek to cheek. It was pure, it was innocence, it was transcendent.

Michele said a few more things, brought me back to Earth and my body, and the session ended. I felt revitalized to be sure. And I gained insights from some of what Michele intuited from the session that clarified some of my present questions and challenges. I hugged her and thanked her, then floated out to my car. My habit is to get the music going before I do anything, which is what I did. I pressed the button that would start my iTunes library and put the car in reverse. The next thing I heard was the most beautiful saxophone interpretation of “God Bless The Child”, by of all people Stanley Turrentine. Y’all, I didn’t even know I HAD that piece in my library. Hello! I stopped the car and just stared at the readout on the dashboard that said, “God Bless The Child”. The message was complete – cheek to cheek with God, “God Bless The Child”, and unconditional love from all the angels in my life. It was all there and the lightbulb blazed as bright as the sun. Ding, Ding, Ding! I knew what I needed to know.

Whatever the eclipse on Monday left behind – the “eclipse hangover”- that I was feeling this past week I have surrendered to it and welcome the opportunities it has afforded me. My session with Michele was integral in moving me forward and I am exceedingly grateful to her for her kindness, her compassion and her skill. I heard the message loud and clear, the lightbulb continues to burn bright, and I’m ready for what is next.

No stretch this week. Just hugs and love from me to you.

The In-Crowd and The Periphery Queen

left out = umbrellasI have vivid memories of those painful adolescent years when being in with the “in” crowd was the highest aspiration of everyone in school. You know, the “cool kids” – always surrounded by a little collective of admirers. The kids whose friends were also cool kids, usually the ones with the good grades, teacher’s pets, cheerleaders, athletes, class officers, in all the important clubs, at all the games, asked to dance – getting my drift? Oh how I wanted to be one of them. And oh how I tried, and failed, to be accepted into their midst. Oh yeah, every once in a while we might talk in the hallway or connect over homework or some odd thing we had in common. But those were rare moments and, like in the movie “The Breakfast Club”, back in the daily grind I wasn’t really anyone that mattered in their very special and privileged world.

That phenomenon followed me all the way through High School. I hated High School for the most part. I was bored with most of my classes, with the exception of music, art, and, when the teacher was really good, English. I was one of those kids who knew lots of people, but didn’t really belong anywhere. I had one or two people I hung with, but they were always attached more strongly to one group or another and when push came to shove, I got shoved. I was shy and uncomfortable; not terribly confident; and trying hard to figure out who the hell I was. Not fun for a young girl trying to know herself.

I was so happy when I graduated and got away from the personalities that seemed to reinforce how unappealing I thought I was. I went off to The Fashion Institute of Technology and found some other escapees who felt liberated from their former high school pigeonholes. We hung together for dear life and gave each other solace. Those liaisons lasted a while, until new little groups began to form and some of my newfound pigeons flew the coop. Suddenly I was living the same bad dream I’d had in high school. I knew lots of people, but the cool kids had attached themselves to each other and I was once again on the periphery. The pattern continued.

I left school and went to work. More liberation! I had grown some, had some experiences under my belt and felt a little (only a little) more confident. I met a lot of people from many different backgrounds and began to see my world expanding. I worked in a large company and found some like-minded people to hang with. We had music, clothes, and righteous indignation in common and we had fun together. UNTIL…enter the divisive “groups”. And, over time I found myself on the periphery once again.

Fast-forward about 40 years and here I sit making a really important and informed observation. I am the “Periphery Queen”. And more importantly, I like it. I’ve found that the more I try to “fit in” the less the likelihood that I will. Why? Simple. I’m not a “fitter-inner” and I have found that being part of any group, while for a bit feels good and secure and welcoming, usually means that I need to compromise something that isn’t worth compromising. It also means that I’m part of something that somehow is excluding someone else and that is exactly the energy that has made me feel so lonely and left out all these years. I finally know that I need to be authentically myself, which often means that I simply won’t fully fit into whatever group has formed around some topic, theme, effort, or program. I inevitably will find myself on the periphery, watching and observing while I do my own thing to support whatever effort I’ve chosen to work with. Yes, sometimes it gets lonely and I might feel left out from time to time. And, when that happens I try to work with the feelings that come up and remind myself that I’m OK being the Periphery Queen because I have chosen it in order to keep myself grounded in my integrity and authenticity rather than jump in up to my neck so that I can be part of the “in-crowd”. It’s a choice I’ve made. I love choices.

~ FD