It’s been a bit of a whirlwind since returning from Sedona and Santa Fe almost two weeks ago. It took almost a week just to get my feet planted back on home ground. There is still a pile of laundry awaiting my attention and some travel debris strewn about, but for the most part – aside from the huge piece of my heart that always remains in Sedona – I’m back.
I brought with me a dilemma. As you may or may not have guessed, I have many interests and pursuits. One could say I’m the ultimate Renaissance Woman. The list of all the things I want to do and CAN do with my time is long. And while I know that in “new age” terms time is a non-thing and we have all we need, in my day-to-day walking around reality, time as well as energy and resources can be limited. I realize and must accept that I simply can’t do it all despite a lifelong attempt at doing just that which has resulted in exhaustion and sometimes illness.
What that means is I must make some choices. In a very real way it’s an embarrassment of riches. And in another way, I find myself facing some old programming about not being good enough, fears galore, and allowing myself to be big instead of small. Not as much fun as the riches. I’ve been tentative about stepping fully into parts of myself that have been begging for expression. I’ve given them their moments but not their due. What I brought back from my trip is the knowledge that they are ready to have their day and I cannot deny them any longer. This requires me to be courageous on one hand and discerning on the other. As usual, it’s about balance.
So, the question I am holding is “What to do?”. Given I cannot do it all and do it well, and given that not doing it well is not an option for an overachiever like me, the dilemma remains. I’m taking steps to shake it all out. I’m asking The Universe for help with the shake-out process. I’m letting it be OK that I right now all I have are hints rather than crystal clear answers. Yet I’m absolutely certain that the answers I seek are on their way to finding me. Patience has never been my strong suit, but I’m allowing myself to be patient, and curious. Curiosity is something I’ve invited into my experience consciously. To me curiosity is a quality that is often lost as we get further away from childhood. I’ve had the blessing of a dear friend and colleague who often invites curiosity into our very spirited conversations. Because of my friend Martha I’ve cultivated the ability to be curious even as I feel daunted. Curiosity has become a friend.
I’m excited by the prospects and possibilities that have presented themselves. I’m thrilled that I have been gifted with some incredibly talented, kind, and generous people who are now part of my unfolding, and I am part of theirs. I love the questions and am anticipating the answers coming with ease and clarity. I feel like I’ve received an invitation to attend an amazing party and I’ve decided to RSVP with a resounding “YES”. I’m curious about what happens next.
STRETCH: When faced with a daunting choice or decision, approach it with a youthful sense of curiosity. Wherever possible allow the time and space for the answers you seek to present themselves, and expect them with joyous anticipation.